So much has been happening in the world these last few weeks. It seems like things are moving so quickly and it can be hard to keep track. With all of the people struggling right now in different places and in the backdrop of the ongoing pandemic, it can be normal to wake up some days feeling heavy and falling asleep with even more weight on our shoulders and in our hearts.

One of the practices I’ve started to spend more time with is a practice for mindful self compassion called Soften, Soothe, Allow. This practice is from Kristin Neff and Chris Germer.

This is a practice that helps you explore and hold emotions that are felt in the body. It is a helpful practice for distressing feelings. Meditation and mindfulness can help us name and hold emotions in a different way than before. Distressing emotions like shame, guilt or panic can incapacitate us if we aren’t sure what to do with them. We often want to DO SOMETHING – push them down, fix them or make them go away. 

When we begin to explore these emotions from a place of kindness and non-judgment, we start to see that all we have to do is to cradle and hold them. In other words, we only have to BE with these feelings as best we can.

Mindfulness and meditation helps you get attuned to your emotions and acknowledge the messages emotions carry for you. I know this to be true based on my experience with this practice. Meditation has helped me to explore these feelings with curiosity and kindness rather than feeling flooded. Kindness to myself and being able to tolerate these feelings has also deepened with meditation.

I hope that the Soften Soothe Allow practice offers you some relief this month. This variation is based on my experience and there is an audio version available below.

Transcript

Settle into a comfortable sitting position with your feet on the floor, feeling the earth support you and knowing you are in a safe place right now. Know that you have choices during this practice and if you are overwhelmed at any time, you’re welcome to focus on your breathing or take a break before coming back to the practice.

Close your eyes and set your intention for today. An example may be intending to be kind and attentive to your emotions. Take a few deep breaths in and out and then start breathing at a natural rate and rhythm for you.

You may notice sounds around you and inside. Let these drop into the background and start to notice any emotions you’re feeling right now. If there are many emotions, focus on just one right now. Notice where you carry this emotion in your body. Notice how it feels in your body. Does it feel coiled tightly in a ball, spread out like jam or something else? Can you tell what the emotion is? Is it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? We can now use our Soften Soothe Allow affirmation with this emotion.

Start by Softening your body where you feel this emotion. Imagine yourself cradling or holding this emotion gently like you might cradle a baby or puppy.

Soothe yourself as you feel this emotion. This could be by giving yourself a hug, telling yourself it’s okay to feel these things right now and you are safe, placing a hand on your heart or breathing into those areas where you feel the emotion so that it can ease up. Keep paying attention to the emotion as best you can but know that you can always focus on your breathing if this feels overwhelming.

The last part is: Allow the emotion to be just as it is, noticing if it stays the same or shifts over time and doing this from a place of kindness.

Let this become the focus- Soften Soothe Allow- over the next few minutes. You can use a timer or your intuition to guide you when to end this part.

When it feels time to release this practice, notice how you’re feeling in the body, stretch or shift as you need, take a deep breath in and out, check in with your intention of being kind and attentive to your emotions, and then open your eyes.

Journal or take a few minutes to reflect on what you noticed.

You can try this practice as often as you’d like, noticing the feelings while being gentle with yourself. Feel free to share your experience below or by messaging us directly.

I send you courage and clarity as you navigate all of the feelings and the heaviness that you might be dealing with this next month.

Xoxo

Shreyasi
Founder and Lead Mental Health Therapist, Mindful Mare Wellness